You want to be sure.
You want to start therapy, but you aren't sure.
Every week sounds like a big commitment. How will you know if it is effective? When will you see results? Starting a new relationship sounds scary or challenging. It feels easier to just keep doing the things you are doing. BUT, you really need someone to talk to.
We can come up with a lot of reasons as to why we shouldn't get help or invest in ourselves. Especially if we were raised to be self reliant, and had to take care of our needs.
You like to plan things. You aren't a fan of surprises. You can be perfectionistic. You are a keen observer and may find yourself observing more than participating at times. It is hard to know if you have enough to warrant a therapist.
Maybe you have had other therapists and you aren't sure they ever really understood you. You don't know if it is worth telling your whole story again. I want you to know, I get that part of you and I welcome it.
Well, I am here to tell you that it is okay. You are more than welcome to have these feelings and I challenge you to still make the call. Commit to just one session to start and then we can see how it goes from there. We can talk about the pros and cons of therapy and if it is a good idea for you.
These feelings can be a result of developmental trauma. Unsure of what that is? Developmental trauma is repetitive, cumulative, or prolonged interpersonal harm (neglect, abuse, abandonment, loathing) by the primary caregiver that occurs at developmental times of life. It may not feel like you have had it that bad, but with the accumulation of particular events, it may demonstrate the impact these experiences had on you.
Together, we can see what makes this investment in yourself so difficult. We can identify why it feels so scary or intimidating to open yourself up to others.